1) It's kind of hard. Three coaches teaching you three different techniques. And then when they come back to see your progress, they're annoyed thinking you didn't follow their instructions. I've like a grand total of FOUR different ways to do the barani. And to each coach, the three other ways are wrong. It's a bit frustrating. It's now the end of the June holidays. I've still to perform the perfect barani on the trampoline itself. And I ain't going for training for the next week due to blocks.
2) I've read so much on depression and bipolar disorders. Not to mention self-destructive behaviors. No, there's nothing wrong with me. It's for PW. And I think I'm getting down too. It's so depressing and worrying thinking and studying those topics.
3) I have several high and low points of my life. Haha. It's kind of like a bipolar disorder in itself. And I think I'm at the low end now. :(
4) Haha. Today something funny happened. I got Mr. Lim to watch my barani. The version I was currently doing was to put my hands up as I go over. Mr. Lim made me keep my hands to the side of my body as I did it. So I tried one. HILARIOUS. Without my hands as a guide for the pivotal point, I overturned. To the extreme. Haha. Landed flat on my back. And everyone was laughing. Haha. Must have looked like a total idiot. :D
5) Hm. Met Aly for the first time this holiday. Kind of fun. Chat up a bit. Went for nice lunch...
6) Home's kind of lonely now. Hmm, but I'm kinda used to it already. With Dad and Bro overseas, it's only me, mom and my other bro. I'm the only one at home most of the time. Kinda cool in a way. Get to have the whole house to myself. Do whatever I want.
7) I'm real stiff now.
8) OK. So I have two and a half days left to study maths, bio, chem, econs, GP, and chinese. FOUR subjects of which I have not started on yet. Basically, I'm not in a very comfortable situation to be in. Oh man, hate procrastinating. But I just procrastinate anyway. Sigh. Never ever learn from my past mistakes... :(
Friday, June 26, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Just a story
Felt trapped. Enclosed in another world. This isn't me, really...
He checked in. I waited out of the queue, along with the others. Stood a little apart from them. Awkward. They talked. Silence was my talk. Stiff neck. Proud eyes distant. Motionless. He came and they moved away. I trailed after. It wasn't time yet. He sent his girl off. Then, we loitered around. This was my chance. To say all that I wanted to say. But no. My throat wouldn't let me. My jaw wouldn't let me. Beyond my control. Restricted. Bound in imaginary chains. There was no logic. I can't. And I won't. Explain.
Our eyes never met. But I made sure they didn't. Never showed a sign of weakness. No. Not in my whole life have I made this mistake. And certainly not now. Never.
Mother announced 6.30pm. They moved towards the entrance. I followed. They started saying their rounds of goodbyes. My last chance... Can I grab it?
"Goodbye!" burst out. A little too loud. Perhaps. But a little too late? No. He looked at me. But I was looking away. Deliberately.
I tried. To relax my face. Oh how I struggled! But nay. In my long sixteen years, I have trained it to be a mask without emotion. Why should it bow down to my weakness now?
He passed through the barriers. Looked back one last time. I couldn't bring myself to wave. Pride was in the way. Stood watching until he passed beyond sight. And then stood some more. Mother motioned for us to go.
I walked away. Face. A solid mask. Without emotion. Unseen rivers of tears crashing down. In my heart stretched butter-thin on toast. Inside. Behind permanent prison bars. That I built myself.
He checked in. I waited out of the queue, along with the others. Stood a little apart from them. Awkward. They talked. Silence was my talk. Stiff neck. Proud eyes distant. Motionless. He came and they moved away. I trailed after. It wasn't time yet. He sent his girl off. Then, we loitered around. This was my chance. To say all that I wanted to say. But no. My throat wouldn't let me. My jaw wouldn't let me. Beyond my control. Restricted. Bound in imaginary chains. There was no logic. I can't. And I won't. Explain.
Our eyes never met. But I made sure they didn't. Never showed a sign of weakness. No. Not in my whole life have I made this mistake. And certainly not now. Never.
Mother announced 6.30pm. They moved towards the entrance. I followed. They started saying their rounds of goodbyes. My last chance... Can I grab it?
"Goodbye!" burst out. A little too loud. Perhaps. But a little too late? No. He looked at me. But I was looking away. Deliberately.
I tried. To relax my face. Oh how I struggled! But nay. In my long sixteen years, I have trained it to be a mask without emotion. Why should it bow down to my weakness now?
He passed through the barriers. Looked back one last time. I couldn't bring myself to wave. Pride was in the way. Stood watching until he passed beyond sight. And then stood some more. Mother motioned for us to go.
I walked away. Face. A solid mask. Without emotion. Unseen rivers of tears crashing down. In my heart stretched butter-thin on toast. Inside. Behind permanent prison bars. That I built myself.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
FUNNNNNNNNN!!!
1) My only disappointment was that I didn't bring my camera to commemorate the event.
2) Okay, yesterday was like THE BEST TIME I'VE EVER HAD since I entered Hwa Chong. I shall elaborate on the details in the following substantial paragraphs...
So. On thursday night, I agreed to train with lao da at 11.30pm the next day. Told Rina about it. And ordered Aki to come. Haha. Next day, as I hadn't set the alarm clock, I totally overslept. Woke up thinking it was still 9, at the latest. Turned out, it was already 11. haha. So by the time I got to the gym, I was one hour late, and Aki had already finished training. haha. Then, we just totally slacked and talked. Did some crazy stuff as usual. Like jumping over each other. Haha, lao da wouldn't put her life in my hands. She didn't trust me. Or rather, she didn't trust my leapfrog jumping skills. haha. Then at around 2, lao da, Rina and I went off to Coro Plaza to drink bubble tea. Lao Da (as usual), took my money to buy everyone's bubble tea. haha. Then we persuaded Rina to ditch Larry and come to play at lao da's house. Which she did. Hehe.
By the time we got to Man's house, it was like, four. Super far away. Near East Coast Park. OMG. I sooooooo love her house!!! Super cool man!!! Like hidden stairways and rooms!!! And disguised switches. Her dad rocks. He's an architect, meaning he can draw and design. Sooo cool. And the best part was, the house was designed like over ten years ago, and it still looks modern and hip now!!! Love her house. It's like an extension of her personality. You can sooo see her in the house. haha. Then I met some of her family and relatives. HA. Can tell where those crazy genes of hers came from. Had my favorite Mi Goreng instant noodles brand for a late lunch. Uhm lazed around a bit. Oh then Siang Lin came! Yay! She lives really nearby, like walk-able distance. Watched a bit of Step Up (I haven't watched it yet) then chatted a bit.
Then I learnt a new word! KELONG!!! It means fish farm!!! Haha, so Man's aunt brought us to her KELONG. We were coolies. haha. So cool, we took the boat to reach the fish farm thingy. Then painted the toilet. haha. Did some cool graffiti. Like a lip as the mouth of the hole. Then a sign on the door for males, females and gays. Then painted on the inside walls stuff like: Better out than in, When you have to go just go!, I am watching you, Which side do you face?, Aim well... and so on... Then took precarious walks to look at the huge fishes that sometimes flip out of the water. Heard from man they were sashimi or something like that. Then walked on two super thin planks of wood across the water for a distance. Scary but exciting! Saw the sunset. The guests arrived but we continued painting... Looked at the gigantic fish net. Walked over planks of wood over 3 meters high above the water without railings or safety nets for fun and then just lay there talking and enjoying the breath-taking sight of the numerous stars in the silent night. Had dinner. Consisted of pizzas, barbecued chicken, pie, jelly, lettuce, clams, chips and cheese, hot dogs, nuggets and lots of other stuffs. Oh, we roasted marshmallows. Lao da sure was having fun. She smeared my melting marshmallow all over my face! Then took pictures of me. Of course I posed. haha. Then swore I would take revenge on her which I never did. She just runs too fast. Watched a bit of TV then just lazed around some more. Oh yeah! Then we went canoeing!!! Wahahahah!!! The fish farm had two canoes. We wore life jackets. Then set off from there! Couldn't go far of course, cuz it was at night and the aunt wanted to keep her eye on us. Then so me and siang lin paired up against lao da and rina to race. haha we raced several times. But lao da's team always beat us! grrrrr....! By the time we got back, it was 12.30am. And I felt the floor still swaying beneath my feet. haha.
I stayed over at Man's house! Whoohoo!!! Along with Siang Lin!!! haha. Actually, mom wouldn't let me. But given the circumstances: we couldn't get off the fish farm until the aunt finished hosting her guests which was like at 12am, then there were no more buses for me to take home, and east coast was just too far for my bro to fetch. So I had a hell of a time! Lao da provided shirt, towel and shorts with a hole in it. haha. So we showered and then lazed around on the bed. Started chatting and talking a lot. Well, Siang Lin and lao da did most of the talking. haha. Cuz I don't stay up late, and 2am was really too much for me. So I dropped off to sleep before they did. They slept at like 3 plus. Haha. Then I woke up early way before they did. Which was still late anyway. Like 10. Then read a book until they woke up. Haha, they didn't want to wake up, so I thought I should jostle them a bit. Thus, I rolled over the both of them. Got them squealing and yelping. Lol. THAT woke them up. It was super effective. Then Siang Lin and I piled up on top of Man just for fun. Was kinda comfortable actually. More surprisingly, it was the most comfortable for lao da. Anyway, we ate lunch. (It was too late for breakfast cuz by the time we got up, it was 12 plus) Watched a bit of tv and then lazed around some more. Thereafter, Siang Lin and I had to go... :( Took me about one hour plus to get home. Was feeling a little dizzy and VERY sleepy from the late night before. haha.
So all in all... IT WAS SUCH A FUN DAY AND NIGHT!!! LIKE WOWOWWW! I NEVER LAUGHED SO MUCH AND FELT SO CAREFREE BEFORE IN THIS YEAR! yay!!! :D:D:D
3) Anyway, I'm so totally screwed. Basically, I haven't done anything in the holidays. Haven't started on anything yet except maybe for maths. I'm soo gonna die for blocks test! But for now, I'm still deliriously happy over the activities from last night. So I'm kind of not feeling guilty or panicky yet. :D:D:D hehey! Got to go now. :D
2) Okay, yesterday was like THE BEST TIME I'VE EVER HAD since I entered Hwa Chong. I shall elaborate on the details in the following substantial paragraphs...
So. On thursday night, I agreed to train with lao da at 11.30pm the next day. Told Rina about it. And ordered Aki to come. Haha. Next day, as I hadn't set the alarm clock, I totally overslept. Woke up thinking it was still 9, at the latest. Turned out, it was already 11. haha. So by the time I got to the gym, I was one hour late, and Aki had already finished training. haha. Then, we just totally slacked and talked. Did some crazy stuff as usual. Like jumping over each other. Haha, lao da wouldn't put her life in my hands. She didn't trust me. Or rather, she didn't trust my leapfrog jumping skills. haha. Then at around 2, lao da, Rina and I went off to Coro Plaza to drink bubble tea. Lao Da (as usual), took my money to buy everyone's bubble tea. haha. Then we persuaded Rina to ditch Larry and come to play at lao da's house. Which she did. Hehe.
By the time we got to Man's house, it was like, four. Super far away. Near East Coast Park. OMG. I sooooooo love her house!!! Super cool man!!! Like hidden stairways and rooms!!! And disguised switches. Her dad rocks. He's an architect, meaning he can draw and design. Sooo cool. And the best part was, the house was designed like over ten years ago, and it still looks modern and hip now!!! Love her house. It's like an extension of her personality. You can sooo see her in the house. haha. Then I met some of her family and relatives. HA. Can tell where those crazy genes of hers came from. Had my favorite Mi Goreng instant noodles brand for a late lunch. Uhm lazed around a bit. Oh then Siang Lin came! Yay! She lives really nearby, like walk-able distance. Watched a bit of Step Up (I haven't watched it yet) then chatted a bit.
Then I learnt a new word! KELONG!!! It means fish farm!!! Haha, so Man's aunt brought us to her KELONG. We were coolies. haha. So cool, we took the boat to reach the fish farm thingy. Then painted the toilet. haha. Did some cool graffiti. Like a lip as the mouth of the hole. Then a sign on the door for males, females and gays. Then painted on the inside walls stuff like: Better out than in, When you have to go just go!, I am watching you, Which side do you face?, Aim well... and so on... Then took precarious walks to look at the huge fishes that sometimes flip out of the water. Heard from man they were sashimi or something like that. Then walked on two super thin planks of wood across the water for a distance. Scary but exciting! Saw the sunset. The guests arrived but we continued painting... Looked at the gigantic fish net. Walked over planks of wood over 3 meters high above the water without railings or safety nets for fun and then just lay there talking and enjoying the breath-taking sight of the numerous stars in the silent night. Had dinner. Consisted of pizzas, barbecued chicken, pie, jelly, lettuce, clams, chips and cheese, hot dogs, nuggets and lots of other stuffs. Oh, we roasted marshmallows. Lao da sure was having fun. She smeared my melting marshmallow all over my face! Then took pictures of me. Of course I posed. haha. Then swore I would take revenge on her which I never did. She just runs too fast. Watched a bit of TV then just lazed around some more. Oh yeah! Then we went canoeing!!! Wahahahah!!! The fish farm had two canoes. We wore life jackets. Then set off from there! Couldn't go far of course, cuz it was at night and the aunt wanted to keep her eye on us. Then so me and siang lin paired up against lao da and rina to race. haha we raced several times. But lao da's team always beat us! grrrrr....! By the time we got back, it was 12.30am. And I felt the floor still swaying beneath my feet. haha.
I stayed over at Man's house! Whoohoo!!! Along with Siang Lin!!! haha. Actually, mom wouldn't let me. But given the circumstances: we couldn't get off the fish farm until the aunt finished hosting her guests which was like at 12am, then there were no more buses for me to take home, and east coast was just too far for my bro to fetch. So I had a hell of a time! Lao da provided shirt, towel and shorts with a hole in it. haha. So we showered and then lazed around on the bed. Started chatting and talking a lot. Well, Siang Lin and lao da did most of the talking. haha. Cuz I don't stay up late, and 2am was really too much for me. So I dropped off to sleep before they did. They slept at like 3 plus. Haha. Then I woke up early way before they did. Which was still late anyway. Like 10. Then read a book until they woke up. Haha, they didn't want to wake up, so I thought I should jostle them a bit. Thus, I rolled over the both of them. Got them squealing and yelping. Lol. THAT woke them up. It was super effective. Then Siang Lin and I piled up on top of Man just for fun. Was kinda comfortable actually. More surprisingly, it was the most comfortable for lao da. Anyway, we ate lunch. (It was too late for breakfast cuz by the time we got up, it was 12 plus) Watched a bit of tv and then lazed around some more. Thereafter, Siang Lin and I had to go... :( Took me about one hour plus to get home. Was feeling a little dizzy and VERY sleepy from the late night before. haha.
So all in all... IT WAS SUCH A FUN DAY AND NIGHT!!! LIKE WOWOWWW! I NEVER LAUGHED SO MUCH AND FELT SO CAREFREE BEFORE IN THIS YEAR! yay!!! :D:D:D
3) Anyway, I'm so totally screwed. Basically, I haven't done anything in the holidays. Haven't started on anything yet except maybe for maths. I'm soo gonna die for blocks test! But for now, I'm still deliriously happy over the activities from last night. So I'm kind of not feeling guilty or panicky yet. :D:D:D hehey! Got to go now. :D
Monday, June 15, 2009
It's been over a month since I've last posted.
Went swimming one day with my bro. Quite cool. Found I could overtake him if I swam fast. haha. Anyway, a bird flew into the house one day. Was stucked in there for like 6 hours. Too dumb to fly out the OPEN WINDOWS AND DOORS. So my brother mustered up his courage (took him one hour) to grab the bird. Even he was yelping and jumping when the bird was frightened and took flight every time he tried to get near.
Haha, last thursday was crazy. Went for math lesson in the morning. Gave the dark chocolate to Mr. Ng as a gift of appreciation. Then rushed home and then out again to meet Trish to watch Terminator Salvation, straight from there I bought cheesecake for Aki as an act of common courtesy and then had gym gathering at his house, and right after I rushed to Yi Wen's house for the class gathering, snitching a whole box of pizzas and lugging my dearly bought puddings WHICH NO ONE ATE. That day, I was really broke, had only like one dollar and 35 cents left. haha. But was kinda fun...
So... I totally failed in my hot-headed goals for the holidays. Been slacking the past couple of weeks. Like, went out to watch Aliens vs Monsters (or is it the other way around?) with Yi Wen, Jia Ling and Jing Han. Then went to Alan's house for fun rather than to do PW. Hmm, then there was the prata outing followed by the crashing of Kong's house... Haha, then another day I met up with Deanna, Yi Wen, Yu Qi, Fifi, Kong, and Kah Hoe to watch Night at the Museum 2 and then crashed Yi Wen's house to hold a ceremony honoring the shaving of Kong's head by duty-bound Yi Wen. HAHA. It was so funny.
Haha, last thursday was crazy. Went for math lesson in the morning. Gave the dark chocolate to Mr. Ng as a gift of appreciation. Then rushed home and then out again to meet Trish to watch Terminator Salvation, straight from there I bought cheesecake for Aki as an act of common courtesy and then had gym gathering at his house, and right after I rushed to Yi Wen's house for the class gathering, snitching a whole box of pizzas and lugging my dearly bought puddings WHICH NO ONE ATE. That day, I was really broke, had only like one dollar and 35 cents left. haha. But was kinda fun...
Then friday and saturday I did cip by acting as bouncers for the heartbeat concert alongside Yi Wen and Kah Hoe. Really fun. Free dinner and concert. haha that brat Aki hinted quite obviously that he expected flowers being the emcee in the concert. haha. So I gave him a large popcorn combo coupon. haha.
Lastly, yesterday I went out again. In the afternoon, I went to visit my Grandma, who was going back to malaysia. Then went to meet Charmaine to watch Ghosts of Girlfriends' Past. From there, we caught 162M to Shunfu Place to catch the 6J BBQ gathering. Met old friends, and then some I don't remember. haha.
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